Baseball

You're watching your buddies play Texas Hold'Em poker and the flop shows a 7-5-6. There's potential for a straight if someone holds a 3 & 4 or a 4 & 8 or an 8 & 9. But we, as viewers, don't know what the players have...and the poker players hold their two cards close to their chest. They might really have the cards in their hand to make a straight...or they might just bluff and make everyone think they've got it.

Barry Bonds' recent 7-5-6 is no different than the card game. In case you haven't heard, the NY Giants player hit his 756th career home run earlier this week, setting a MLB record by passing Hank Aaron's 755. Bonds has been connected to investigations into steroid use, although he said, €œThis record is not tainted at all, at all" after hitting the record homer. He, like the poker players, is keeping his cards close to his chest - at this point, only he knows for certain whether he took drugs that increased his strength and aided his home run numbers. In poker, you wouldn't declare a winner until the cards are shown. And similarly, a home run champ shouldn't be declared until we know the full story. In other words, I don't think Bonds should be acknowledged as a hero until the doping speculation is cleared up.

And my guess is we're going to find out he had cards up his sleeves...

August 10, 2007 - 4:21pm

After watching the World Series, I noticed I needed to add a player to my list of athletes that could use new numbers for our comic enjoyment.  The Cardinals' Pujols (pronounced 'poo-holes') could use a 'number 2' on his back also.

 

October 24, 2006 - 4:13pm


From Fox Sports

Detroit Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers managed to spark a first-inning controversy last night in their second World Series game against the St. Louis Cardinals.  It was regarding something noticeable on his pitching hand. It appeared to be something dirty or dark, and umpires brought Cardinals manager Tony La Russa out to the field at the end of the first for a brief discussion.

MLB Rule 3.02 states that, "No player shall intentionally discolor or damage the ball by rubbing it with soil, rosin, paraffin, licorice, sand-paper, emery-paper or other foreign substance."

Rule 8.02 states that a pitcher "shall not" even deliver a ball that he defaces with spit or a foreign substance or by rubbing the ball on his glove, person or clothing.

The penalty for both violations is ejection.

"Tony went out and said a couple of his players said the ball was acting funny, and they made Kenny wash his hands, and he washed his hands, and he came out the second inning and was pretty clean the rest of the way," Tigers manager Jim Leyland said.

Pitcher Kenny Rogers shares his name with the '80's country singer Kenny Rogers, best known for his song "The Gambler" ("You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em...").   After last night's game, I wonder:  what are the 'odds' that Kenny had a foreign substance on his hand?

 

Is Kenny a gambler?

  • At 41 years, 11 months and 12 days, Rogers became the oldest starting pitcher to win a World Series game.  At his age, one would think that if he was cheating, he would have been experienced enough/careful enough to conceal it better.  Plus, why would he risk getting ejected in the World Series?
  • Then again, he has been known to take risks in the past.  For example, he risked (and later received) suspension after shoving two cameramen in 2005.

What was 'up his sleeve'?

  • The umpires believe it was just dirt, which is obviously not illegal.  How do they know it was dirt?  "Because it was observed as dirt," umpire supervisor Steve Palermo said. "Umpires, they've been around for more than a week or so. This is not their first summer away from home, so they've got a pretty good idea as to what dirt is and what a foreign substance is."
  • It could have been pine tar.  The photographs show it looks brown and sticky which generally indicates pine tar, which pitchers dab on their fingers for a better grip on the ball. Temperatures dipped into the 30s and Rogers admitted he had trouble gripping the ball, which makes it a possibility.  Pitchers are forbidden from having substances such as pine tar on their person. They can be ejected and suspended.  The Angels' Brendan Donnelly was suspended 10 days for having pine tar on his glove last season. The Cardinals' Julian Tavarez was suspended 10 days for having pine tar on his hat in 2004. The Dodgers' Jay Howell was suspended for two games for having pine tar on his glove in the 1988 National League Championship Series.
  • It could have been some other substance that, if smudged on the ball, altered its spin.

Does Rogers have a good 'poker face'?

  • Rogers seemed to have an inconsistent story - not a good bluffer if he was covering something up.  At first he said he had a "big clump of dirt on his hand," then amended it to "dirt and resin and all that stuff put together."  Also, Tigers manager Jim Leyland and umpire supervisor Steve Palermo said Rogers was ordered to remove the dirt, but Rogers said, "No, I saw it and I went and wiped it off and then it was gone."

Where was the 'eye-in-the-sky'?

  • In Vegas, there are cameras scrutinizing every move on all the gambling tables to make sure there is no cheating happening - ESPECIALLY for big tournaments.  These are the biggest baseball games of the year - why wasn't this mysterious substance examined more closely?  One theory is that it is so widely used among pitchers in the MLB, that umpires typically turn their heads to it.

Given these facts, I'd say the odds are pretty good that he had an illegal substance on his pitching hand.  I'm gonna give it 2:1 odds.  Whether or not it really matters is the real question.  I mean, it appeared to be gone after the first inning and he still went on to pitch seven more shutout innings without the alleged substance.  Some say that is proof alone that he wasn't cheating. 

But what if it was some pine tar that he was more careful to conceal after the first inning?  Or what if he was using some new, invisible-to-the-eye, high-tech substance that he managed to get a little dirt stuck to and that's the only reason it was noticed? Maybe he still had it on his hands for the rest of the game, but it was clear so we couldn't see it.  Wouldn't it be worthwhile to investigate his hands and glove in Game 3 just to squash any suspicions? 

Hey - maybe Rogers made a startling 'secret weapon' discovery at his namesake's restaurant chain, Kenny Rogers Roasters.  You never know...sticky chicken fat might be the ultimate pitching enhancer...

October 23, 2006 - 12:44pm

As we've all heard by now, New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle died when his plane crashed into a 40-storey tower Wednesday on Manhattan's Upper East Side.  He was flying with his flight instructor at the time, who also died in the crash.

Well, I'm putting on my Inspector Gadget hat today and taking a sleuthing look at this story.  Am I onto something here?  Or do I need some help from Penny and Brain?  Let me know in the Comments! 

We tend to glorify someone once they are gone, just because they are dead, don't we?  My grandmother was not the most friendly, positive person as I knew her, but at her funeral everyone gushed about what a wonderful person she was.  I'm not saying it is wrong (of course we wanted to celebrate her life and the positive things about her upon her death), I'm just pointing out the fact that we do it.    The problem with it in this case is that I think this glorification of the dead is causing us to overlook some possible causes of Cory Lidle's plane crash.  Cory didn't seem like a real happy person and the outspoken player wasn't a favourite among his peers or fans.  No one else seems to be saying it, but I've been wondering - is it possible that this crash was not an accident?  Let's look at the facts.

As I mentioned, Lidle was not a popular guy. 

  • He played for 7 different teams and he crossed the picket line in the 1995 player strike. 
  • The fact that the Yankees had an embarassing loss to the Tigers and didn't even make it past the first round of playoffs didn't help Lidle's status.  New York fans were shocked and devastated and a lot of the blame was laid on the pitchers since Detroit pitched so well. 
  • In a post-game interview, Lidle had suggested the Yankees were not as well-prepared as the Tigers -- a criticism of Yankees manager Joe Torre that earned him a skewering on the New York call-in shows. On Tuesday, he called radio station WFAN to defend himself:  "I want to win as much as anybody," he said, denying his criticism was directed at Mr. Torre. "But what am I supposed to do? Go cry in my apartment for the next two weeks?"

All I'm saying here is - is it possible there was some foul play here?  Could some crazed angry fan have tampered with the plane?  Could his flight instructor have been a hardcore Yankees fan that went off the deep end?

Or how about Lidle himself?  Is suicide a possibility? 

  • He's never been fully accepted by his fellow players, since he is still thought of as a "scab."  Have you ever worked somewhere that you just didn't fit in?  It's not easy on a person. 
  • His fellow players used to call him 'Snacks' since he would eat Reese's, M&Ms, Whoppers, and ice cream between innings.  Depressed people often have odd relationships with food - could that have been a symptom of some mental trouble? 
  • Pitcher Arthur Rhodes said about him, "the only thing Cory Lidle wants to do is fly around in his airplane and gamble."  Gambling (especially gambling addiction) is another activity that tends to attract people struggling with poor self-esteem or depression. 
  • He often criticized others in the media.  For example, after being traded by the Philadelphia Phillies, Lidle criticized his former team: "On the days I'm pitching, it's almost a coin flip as to know if the guys behind me are going to be there to play 100 percent."  Isn't it true that people who are unkind to others are often not happy themselves?
  • Lidle was left off the Yankees' starting pitching rotation for the playoffs, consigning him to bullpen duty.  Being demoted on your team has gotta leave you feeling pretty down on yourself.

I'm not saying suicide or murder are necessarily good theories - I'm just pointing out that no one seems to be talking about them.  It should be very interesting to see what evidence is revealed about this crash in the coming weeks...

Do dee do dee do, Inspector Jen Z.  Do dee do dee do di do! (Recall the IG theme song?)

October 13, 2006 - 11:11am


A Canadian company looking for a promotional gimmick to impress its sports-minded customers bought the 30 limited-edition baseballs signed by Pete Rose with the statement ''I'm Sorry I Bet On Baseball'' that we talked about earlier this week for US$1,000 apiece.  Citadel Commerce Corp. is an electronic commerce company based in Burnaby, BC that operates a payment system used as an alternative to credit cards and a majority of its business clients are in the gaming industry.  We'll tell ya who's sorry they bet on baseball in Canada...anybody who bet on the Jays making the playoffs.

 

September 22, 2006 - 7:08pm

Pete Rose, baseball's career leader in hits who was banned from baseball in 1989 for betting on a game, signed 30 baseballs in 2004 with the inscription "I'm sorry I bet on baseball — Pete Rose," and they are being sold at a New Jersey auction house this week. 

You know you're desperate for cash when you're selling your own apologies.  Here's a few other possibilities for auction items bearing apologies we might see in the future:

  • Neck brace with the inscription "I'm sorry I hit from behind - Todd Bertuzzi"
  • Box of steroids with the inscription "I'm sorry I took drugs - Floyd Landis"
  • An Edmonton postcard with the inscription "I'm sorry I made my husband move - Mrs. Pronger"
  • A bottle of mouthwash with the inscription "I'm sorry such foul shit came out of my mouth - Terrell Owens"
  • A photo of Phil Mickelson with the inscription "I'm not sorry.  Fu&$ I'm good - Phil Mickelson"
September 18, 2006 - 1:56pm

A baseball coach accused of offering an eight-year-old money to bean an autistic teammate so he couldn't play was convicted Thursday.  Sick and disgusting.  Too bad "Rain Man" isn't real.  He could torture the coach with "Who's on First?" over and over, make him wear K-Mart underwear and force him to watch endless hours of Wapner.

September 15, 2006 - 3:55pm

David Ortiz of the Boston Red Sox has missed his second straight game due to an irregular heartbeat. Many possible causes.  How about the erectile dysfunction drug he's taking??  Or maybe it's just heartburn from all that salsa and all those hot and spicy D'Angelos Big Papi sandwiches he eats??

 

August 30, 2006 - 7:57pm

A baseball memorabilia collector is parting with his Barry Bonds collection, saying the Giants star treated him poorly during a federal investigation into sales of Bonds collectibles.  “I can’t stand the guy,” said Jeff Kranz of Phoenix, who began collecting Bonds baseball cards in 1988.  You know your career is in a freefall that is never going to recover when even your fans are turning against you.

 

 

August 28, 2006 - 11:51am

A dude in Toronto jumped onto the field in the full Blue Jays uniform on the weekend.  Crazed fans are figuring it out - the cops are going to notice a naked guy on the field.  But if you're wearing the team uniform...well, they just might not notice you. 

Photo Source

August 27, 2006 - 11:06pm

The Fresno Grizzlies hosted a K-Fed (aka. Mr. Spears) Night on the weekend.  He's a Fresno native, so he was the focus of pre-game activities for the Triple-A Pacific Coast League team.  The first 3,000 fans in attendance were extremely lucky to receive K-Fed Night temporary tattoos.  Careful...with a K-Fed on your arm, you're likely to get pregnant and get all your money sucked out of you.

KFedTat3.jpg

Photo Source

Photo Source

August 27, 2006 - 10:40pm

Alyssa Milano, the former Who's the Boss? star has joined forces with G-III Apparel Group and MLB Properties to create a line of ladies' MLB apparel.

Obviously, what qualifies a person to design baseball clothing is dating the players and having a Dad on TV who was a baseball player - she’s been rumoured to have been dating a handful of players (the latest is supposedly the Dodgers’ Brad Penny) and Tony Micelli (her Dad on Who’s the Boss?) was a former player for the St. Louis Cardinals.

Alyssa Milano

August 23, 2006 - 6:08pm

The Little League World Series will now be aired with a five-second delay after an incident Sunday in which a 12-year-old was caught cursing on air.  Is it us, or is it wrong (but somehow hilarious) to see kids spewing profanities (as long as they’re not our own)?  Once you’ve seen the kids in the movie Talladega Nights:  The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, you’ll agree.   “Old man, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!”

August 23, 2006 - 5:53pm

Big Little Leaguer

Meet Aaron Durley. He is a 13-year-old first baseman for Dhahran, Saudi Arabia in the Little League World Series who stands an imposing 6-foot-8 inches and weighs 256 pounds. “Holy @*%#,” said the potty-mouthed Little Leaguer in the story above.

August 23, 2006 - 5:46pm

What is with moustaches in baseball?  Nobody has moustaches in other sports.  Maybe they’re still trying to look like Tom Selleck in Mr. Baseball.  Maxim put together a tribute to the hairy upper lips of our pals on the diamond. 

Moustached baseball players

August 18, 2006 - 12:46pm

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