As we all know, singer/actress Jessica Simpson has been dating Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo since last fall, and he hasn’t been playing well since.  I absolutely love the nickname the Cowboy's fans have given her – “Yoko Romo” in comparison to Yoko Ono who many Beatles fans blame for ruining John Lennon.  I thought of a few other nicknames they could use:

• “Booby Brown” in comparison to Bobby Brown, who many blame for the downfall of his wife Whitney Houston. 

• “J-Simp” in comparison to K-Fed, the ex-husband who many blame for Britney Spears’ spiral downward.

• “Complete Duh-erty” in comparison to Pete Doherty, model Kate Moss’ boyfriend who receives blame for Kate’s recent drug use.

• “Oh, J. Simpson” in comparison to O.J. Simpson, who obviously contributed to Nicole Brown’s downfall.

I dated a CFL football player once. His break up excuse was because "a girlfriend is too much of a distraction - I need to focus on football".

Lame. But anyways, it sounds like country singer Carrie Underwood heard the same words from Dallas Cowboy QB Tony Romo. In this week's Entertainment Weekly with Carrie on the cover, she says about Romo, "...point blank, he is all about football. I don't know if it's that I'm not quite his type or whatever, but I don't think he's at the point in his life where he would be willing to sacrifice football. He hated so much that people thought that he was paying more attention to me and that was causing him to not do well."

What is with that? Carrie could manage to juggle a fast-paced, pressured career in music, but Tony can't handle a relationship and his job at the same time? Maybe it's that multi-tasking thing - aren't women supposed to be better
at juggling more than one thing at once? According to this Wall Street Journal article, a 2003 survey by political scientists at Rutgers University found three-quarters of women think women are better at multitasking than men and one-third of men agreed.

Cowboys opponents should take that cue. If they want to find Romo's weakness, they should figure out how to distract him with something off the field. Find some girl to come forward and claim her child is Romo's or something...that would do it!

I drive a cute little silver Mazda Protege 5 that is a few years old. I'm happy with it - I like the looks of it and it's totally functional. But if someone called me from a contest I entered and told me I won a brand new car, I'd be pretty excited. I'd eagerly anticipate the 'big reveal', imaging a hot new sports car to joy ride in or an SUV perfect for hauling all our sports equipment to events. And then if the big day arrived and they unveiled a 2003 Mazda Protege 5 (the exact same car I already have) painted blue instead of silver, it would be a major let-down. Not that I don't like that car...but I would have just been expecting more.

Now let's talk about the new Canucks jersey that was revealed yesterday. It was totally hyped - the Canucks organization threw a big party at GM Place, they pumped the intro of the brand new jersey in the media, there were radio stations broadcasting from the event, etc. I was expecting a totally new design - a whole new logo, colour scheme, etc. And then TA DA! They reveal basically the same jersey in different colours. It felt like a let-down.

All over the paper this morning people are trashing the new jerseys. But the thing is - after the initial let-down subsided, I realized I actually like the changes they made. I like the new colours that revive the blue and green of the old 'stick in rink' jersey. I like the new font they chose for 'Vancouver'. And I'm glad they kept the Orca logo - it represents the west coast and I'd be upset if we had to lose Fin (our Orca mascot). It's just that they hyped the 'brand new' jersey so much that my initial reaction was shock when the jersey they revealed wasn't much of a departure from the old one.

Back to the car example. Even though I like the 2003 Mazda, I still probably would have raged on the contest organizers for false advertising! So, maybe the answer is to get angry at the Orca Bay organization for over-hyping...and not get angry at the jersey.

Tomaaato, Tomato
Potaaato, Potato
Brayden, Brendan...

I was reading an article in the Vancouver Sun about the Vancouver Canucks' Brendan Morrison's little five-year-old son, Brayden, practicing with the team the other day. Why do people give their kids names that are so similar to their own? They sound so much alike, neither one knows when you're talking to them half the time. You're calling upstairs to one of them and neither person can tell which name you're yelling. I know first-hand about this - my Mom is often called Jan (short for Jana) and I'm Jen. Confusion! I'll tell you one thing, with a husband named Bryce, the name Bruce is definitely ruled out as an option for a boy when we have kids.

A few tidbits on our favourite athletes...

Maria Sharapova looking angry in a photo shoot. She's always trying to look so tough in those Nike ads, don't you think?

What Tiger Woods says about his new baby showing up to cheer him onto his 13th Major win last Sunday.

Singer/actress Hilary Duff planting a big one on NY Islanders' Mike Comrie.

In case you haven't seen it yet, you can check out Beckham's thoughts on his Galaxy games on his personal blog.

Thanks to my friends at the celeb gossip site Dotspotter for directing me to these!

We're looking for contributors! If you're a female with a good sense of humour and an interest in sports and you'd like to post your thoughts occasionally about the sporting world, please e-mail me at: info@thepinkseats.com

In the September 2007 issue of Golf Digest, there is a great article called "Wondering About Wie" that attempts to understand what has happened to young golf prodigy Michelle Wie and why she's had such a poor year. Here's just a few of the embarassing events that have taken place:

• July 2006 - In the PGA John Deere Classic she is ten strokes above the projected cut and she withdraws, citing heat exhaustion.
• August 2006 - She gets a two-stroke penalty for grounding her club in a bunker at the Women's British Open and says, "I guess I knew the rule wrong."
• May 2007 - Wie is 14 over par after 16 holes in the Ginn Tribute. She cites her injured wrist and withdraws with two holes to play. If she had lost two more strokes to par, she would have faced a ban from LPGA competition for the rest of the year under Rule 88. She comes under great criticism when she is seen practicing just two days later.
• June 2007 - Citing her wrist injury at 17 over par after 27 holes, she withdraws from the US Women's Open.

Of course, I have no idea if her excuses for her awful scores are legit - but it certainly comes across as poor sportsmanship and even cheating in the case of the Ginn Tribute in May this year. She's not playing well, so she just fakes an injury and withdraws. I pondered why she would do such things and found an article on Korean culture that might explain her behaviour. The author, Dr. Horace H. Underwood, is a teacher in a Korean university and reflects on the cultural differences he found. He says, "In Korea as in the West, honesty and loyalty are both virtues. In the West, in general, honesty is the higher virtue. In a Confucian society like Korea, loyalty is the higher virtue....It is not the case that Koreans are dishonest. It is not the case that honesty is not a value in Korea. Korean culture has a strong sense of honesty. The problem is the hierarchy of values. Honesty is a value, but there is a higher value, and it is loyalty." He goes on to describe how cheating was a major problem with his students. It wasn't because they didn't know it was wrong to cheat - it was because it was more important to show loyalty to their parents by bringing home an A grade. Korean culture stresses the absolute importance of excellent performance..."A-" is a failing grade.

Rather than fail her parents by not playing her "A" game, Michelle may be simply being dishonest (lying about injuries and withdrawing rather than finishing with a poor score) to get around it. And it's not because she's a horrible person - it's just that in her culture it is more important to be loyal to her parents and to not fail than to be honest. Korean culture is not going to change, so the best we can do is understand why they do what they do and not look down upon it.

I may not want to compete against her, but on the positive side, she'd probably make a great friend - heck, she'd lie, cheat and steal before she'd double-cross me!

You're watching your buddies play Texas Hold'Em poker and the flop shows a 7-5-6. There's potential for a straight if someone holds a 3 & 4 or a 4 & 8 or an 8 & 9. But we, as viewers, don't know what the players have...and the poker players hold their two cards close to their chest. They might really have the cards in their hand to make a straight...or they might just bluff and make everyone think they've got it.

Barry Bonds' recent 7-5-6 is no different than the card game. In case you haven't heard, the NY Giants player hit his 756th career home run earlier this week, setting a MLB record by passing Hank Aaron's 755. Bonds has been connected to investigations into steroid use, although he said, €œThis record is not tainted at all, at all" after hitting the record homer. He, like the poker players, is keeping his cards close to his chest - at this point, only he knows for certain whether he took drugs that increased his strength and aided his home run numbers. In poker, you wouldn't declare a winner until the cards are shown. And similarly, a home run champ shouldn't be declared until we know the full story. In other words, I don't think Bonds should be acknowledged as a hero until the doping speculation is cleared up.

And my guess is we're going to find out he had cards up his sleeves...

About six months ago, I wrote about hockey needing a celebrity couple to attract US attention to the sport due to its low TV ratings. New York Islanders Centre Mike Comrie is rumoured to be dating pop star/actress Hilary Duff. Could this be the couple the NHL has been waiting for?

Before I answer that question, let's talk about celebrities that date outside of their industry. It's so interesting to see how they react to being exposed to a whole different type of fans. Hilary's used to teeny boppers trying to dress like her and screaming and fainting at the sight of her. But with a boyfriend in the NHL, she's being exposed to hockey fans now too. And passionate hockey fans are a whole different sort...especially angry ones. After Comrie refused to sign a contract with the Edmonton Oilers before the 2002-03 season for personal reasons he refused to disclose, he became one of the most hated Oilers in team history. Whenever he returns to Edmonton, Oilers fans always BOO him whenever he touches the puck. With hockey fans all of a sudden taking notice of the pop queen, she sensed that she might get attention from more than just her Duff-loving fans when she visited Edmonton this week on her current concert tour. Those Edmonton fans don't forget those who diss their city (Pocklington and Pronger for example) and I suspect that Hilary was worried that as the girlfriend of a hated ex-Oiler, she wouldn't escape the wrath of the Oilers fans. So, she decided to kiss a little Edmonton ass. And so, this week in Edmonton, she donned a paper hat and apron and dished out food to the homeless. Hilarious.

If we look at it the other way around, Hilary's fans are now getting to know Mike Comrie as well. But this is the reason I don't think this celebrity couple will not be the one to change the interest level in hockey. Somehow I don't think the exposure to teenage girls is going to save the NHL.

Although...imagine if it did. What if hockey became uber-popular with the teen girl crowd? Oh my Lord...we'd have to wear ear-plugs to the games to protect our ears from the high-pitched screams, they'd replace the beer stands with stands selling Bratz dolls in hockey jerseys, and we'd have to endure seeing our hockey stars in gag-inducing poses on posters from Tiger Beat magazine in school lockers. AHHHH.....please, no!

Ah, the ageing professional athlete. We've seen it time and time again. They approach their mid-thirties and start to wonder about their lives after sports. "What am I gonna do when I'm not hitting the ice/court/field every day?" They're noticing that their bodies don't recover like they used to. The reality sinks in that injury could happen at any moment...and it would all be over in an instant. "How am I going to continue living the lifestyle I'm accustomed to?" So, if they've got the name recognition and they're smart, they start slapping their names on products in hopes of getting another income source going.

And it looks like Mr. MVP, Steve Nash, is no different. He's now 33 and obviously considering his future after basketball. About a week ago, he launched the Steve Nash Sports Club in Vancouver - what looks to be the first in a future chain of fitness clubs. Congrats, Steve-o...but hopefully this is not your way of telling us you've peaked and you're on your way to retirement already!

Here's a few other products he could put his name on while he's at it:

• The Buzz on Nash - After he rocked the bald head last year, how about a Nash branded electric shaver?
• Stretchin' with Steve - A line of yoga/stretching DVDs for the vertically challenged hosted by the mini basketball player himself, designed to make you look and feel taller.
• Nash Crackers - Saltine crackers with his name on them, since he's a rare white 'cracka' in the NBA.

According to reports earlier this week, Hurricanes star Eric Staal and his brother, Jordan Staal of the Penguins, were arrested for misdemeanor disorderly conduct and obstructing the legal process at Eric Staal's bachelor party at a Minnesota resort. Apparently they were arrested after "screaming, yelling and playing loud music."

GASP! A loud bachelor party?! Heaven forbid. Next thing you know, they'll be telling us there were female strippers there too. Strippers at a bachelor party?! How awful!

It is a BACHELOR PARTY. The whole point is to get everyone as drunk as possible and get people to do crazy stuff that everyone will remember for years to come. What should they have done? Organized a calm and quiet get-together with little mini sandwiches and non-alcoholic punch? That would be called a tea party...not a bachelor party. Seriously, if a bunch of young, 20-somethings (Eric is 22 and Jordan is 18) got together and it wasn't loud and crazy, it would be a bad party. The Best Man would be blacklisted from hosting a Bachelor Party ever again. Just because they're hockey players means they can't participate in a wedding tradition that has been around for hundreds of years (according to Wikipedia, the history of bachelor party is thought to have originated with a bachelor dinner that was traditional in ancient Sparta (5th century) where soldiers would toast each other on the eve of a friend€™s wedding), does it? If they did anything wrong, it was that they chose a bad location for the party. C'mon guys, don't host a bachelor party in a quiet, stodgy, uptight resort that is going to complain about noise. That would be like hosting a high school grad at a senior's home and hoping none of the old fogeys would complain. Save the resort for the tea party.

If you're a professional athlete and you injure another player with a violent action, there aren't too many excuses you can use for your behaviour. You can't plead "Not Guilty" because EVERYBODY saw it - and they probably saw it in slow motion replay a hundred times afterwards too. And you can't plead "Insanity" if you want to keep your job - nobody wants a crazy person running loose on the sporting surface. So, the athletes typically suck it up and make a teary apology in a press conference the day after.

That is, until now. It looks like athletes could soon be using "Temporary Blackouts" as an excuse for their violent behaviour. The Vancouver Sun reported last week that Dr. Brian Hunt, a respected North Vancouver neurologist, believes that often times in sports incidents the attacker was himself concussed, which is why many pro athletes are sometimes prone to erratic behaviour. He uses the Marty McSorely of the Boston Bruins hit on the Vancouver Canucks' Donald Brashear as an example. He says:

"Earlier in the game, Brashear had really clocked him [in a fight]. The shaking and jarring of the brain affected McSorely. He was partly brain damaged."

Poor Bert (you may recall the infamous Todd Bertuzzi hit on Steve Moore in the Vancouver-Colorado in 2004). If only he had met Dr. Hunt while he was here in Van. All he had to say was that he had scrambled brains and he may have been able to avoid his lost salary (during his suspension), lost endorsements, thousands in lawyer fees...and that horrible sobbing press conference apology.

I hope some of you caught the 1-hour special Victoria Beckham Coming to America earlier this week. If not, L.A. Galaxy soccer star David Beckham's wife Victoria ("Posh" Spice from The Spice Girls group) gave us a peek into her life as she prepares for her family's move to Los Angeles from London. And she is just how I imagined her to be: a high-maintenance princess with gads of money. She refused to be seen without hair and makeup (her best friends are her hair stylist and makeup artist), spent loads of money in the blink of an eye (she says shopping is therapy for her), a 'tough day' involved lounging at the pool, and she even wore high-heeled sneakers to throw the first pitch at an MLB baseball game. Egads.

At one point in the show, Victoria and her entourage dressed up a blow-up doll with oversized sunglasses, a blonde wig cut like Vic's hair and painted nails and then sent it out in an SUV as a decoy for the paparazzi. Of course, that got me to thinking: would David be better off with a blow-up doll? Let's compare...

• The blow-up doll's breasts aren't any more fake than Victoria's.
• The blow-up doll's mouth is open wide, but nothing comes out. David wouldn't have to listen to drivel about shopping and hair.
• The blow-up doll has air in its head...which is more than what seems to be in Victoria's.
• The blow-up doll costs about $30, not the millions Victoria requires in hair, makeup and shopping expenses.
• He could have sex with the blow-up doll without getting poked and stabbed like he does with all the sharp, protruding bones on his waify wife.

Criticisms aside, I still was fascinated with the skinny Brit's TV special. She is not afraid to live life as "maja" (that's how she says "major" with her British accent...a word that seems to be one of her favs) as she can. I think there's a little part of all of us that would like to experience what it would be like to live large - to be primped and coiffed by someone every day, be as spoiled and demanding as we want, and have a seemingly endless flow of cash.

But back to the blow-up dolls. While I was looking for pics, I stumbled across all these other crazy blow-ups. If David wanted, he could trade Victoria in for a blow-up lamb instead of a female blow-up. Although there's no guarantee that the lamb wouldn't be baaaaaaad in bed. Cheesy joke, I know. But I couldn't resist.

There's no doubt that I can be a little competitive with my husband. I hate to lose at cards...and I even hate to get home after my husband when we're driving from somewhere in separate cars. But at least I have a chance of winning at those things...because sports are a whole other story. My husband is ridiculously good at any sport he tries - hockey, baseball, biking, kayaking, etc. - and I have no hope of competing. EXCEPT when it comes to long-distance running. I can't beat him in a sprint, but pit me against him in a marathon or half-marathon and I'd kick his little white butt. And it looks like I'm not the only one who could beat her athletic husband in long-distance running. In the August issue of Men's Fitness magazine on stands right now, Tiger Woods says his wife Elin is an avid runner and, "There’s no doubt she can run a lot longer than I can. If we were running a half marathon, she’d smoke me.” It made me wonder if there was some pysiological advantage of women over men when it comes to endurance running. According to an article in Popular Science magazine:

Few experts would argue that women will ever compete with men in trials of strength and power, such as the shot put, 100-meter dash, and 50-meter freestyle swim. But a number of scientists assert that women may eventually catch up to men in ultra-endurance events like marathons and triathlons. The reason, according to Dr. Lisa Callahan, co-founder of the Women's Sports Medicine Center at the Hospital for Special Surgery in Manhattan and author of The Fitness Factor: Every Woman's Key to a Lifetime of Health and Well-Being, is that women have a greater resistance to fatigue, a higher percentage of body fat, and a superior ability to burn fat as fuel. "The ability to store and access fat may give women an edge," she contends.

Ha - I knew there was a reason for that cellulite on my thighs...when I hit 'the wall' on a long run, my body's got some extra fuel to tap into...an extra little snack to consume. It's like having a Kit Kat bar strapped to my inner thigh. Guess next time I should think twice about complaining about those lovely dimples on my legs.

I caught the tennis match between former Wimbledon champion Serena Williams and Slovakian Daniela Hantuchova last week to see Serena screaming and writhing in pain on the court. Apparently she was suffering from calf cramps. Then after a rain delay she got her legs wrapped and was wearing pants...and everyone was wondering if they would allow her to wear them given the strict Wimbledon dress code. Next thing I know, she is asking the umpire for a bathroom break and he won't allow it because Hantuchova was still serving. Serena, you better get a Hollywood agent, pronto...because you are definitely one Drama Queen. Whether it is her outfits, her earrings, her sibling rivalry...there always seems to be some distraction from the game when Serena's playing. Could it be helping her to win? All the distraction could definitely be throwing her opponents off their game. But she's not the only one - fellow tennis star Maria Sharapova, for one, has her own type of distraction - that airplane-decibel scream she lets out when she hits the ball. Could distraction be a part of their winning records? Now, there's no doubt that Serena and Sharapova are phenomenal players. And I'm not suggesting they are intentionally trying to distract their opponents with leg cramps and ball-hitting screams... but that's not to say it doesn't work in their favour. When you're at that level of professional sports, any edge will do, no?

I was going to suggest she get her headshot done ASAP, but check it out - it looks like she's already dabbling in the movie/TV scene. Next project? How about Transamerica the sequel? Oh, that was mean. I do love you, Serena...but you've got to admit, those arms are awfully manly.

July 4th in Coney Island, New York, Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest will take place and Takeru Kobayashi will attempt to take home his seventh straight title. The 131-lb 29-year-old from Japan downed 53 dogs and buns in just 12 minutes in last year's competition. And for some odd reason, I care. I watch this guy with more fascination then watching the wolves attack their prey on the last episode of Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel. Now, most of us gals try to limit the amount of food that passes our lips, so maybe I'm fascinated with competitive eating because I just can't imagine cramming that much food into my body. Or maybe my subconscious is quietly collecting tips in case I want to gain a few hundred pounds or become bulimic someday. Or maybe it is just that I enjoy disgusting things (which could be possible - I do volunteer to clean the bathroom over vacuuming the house). I mean, the excitement is all about whether the contestant will chuck before he finishes, right? "Ohmygod...he's looking green...here it comes....ohhhhh...I think he just did a barf-swallow!"

Whatever the reason, there's no doubt that I will be looking out for the highlights of this 'sport' on Sportsnet in a week or so. But I've had a burning question since my interest started in competitive eating - how do they do it? So, I checked it out:

• Size. It helps to be fitter NOT fatter. Turns out that fat can inhibit the stomach from stretching so it's better to be thin.
• Technique. There's the wiener-dunking method, where eaters separate the hot dog from the bun and eat the dog while dipping the bun in water to make it go down easier. Or there is Kobayashi's method where he breaks the hot dogs in half to speed his eating.
• Training. To expand their stomach, they drink water, and eat foods like pineapple and celery until they can't bear to look at the stuff anymore...and then they eat some more. Kobayashi trains by eating cabbage and drinking water.
• Hunger. It's good to go into an eating contest on an empty stomach, but they don't fast for an extended period of time or they will shrink their stomach, which is completely counterproductive.
• Concentration. They don't taste the food; they just take a few bites to chew and then swallow. If they slow down, their body will begin to settle and they won't be able to eat anymore.
• Regurgitation. It's not technically against the rules; you just have to make sure that none of the semi-digested food leaves your mouth.

You might be surprised to find that women have actually won some of these competitions. In fact, Sonya Thomas, a 105-pound woman from Virginia, holds the chicken-wing eating record, having scoffed down 167 wings in 32 minutes. Now, I may be mesmerized by it, but I doubt I'd ever try it. Although...I might be convinced if they swapped the hot dogs for chocolate....

(Duck a l'orange)

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've likely heard about the book/DVD The Secret recently. After the self-help phenomenon based on the Law of Attraction - the idea that you attract everything (positive or negative) that happens to you - was featured on Oprah, it has exploded into the mainstream. As doubtful as I am that simply thinking about something will make it happen (without any specific action involved), I'm willing to try it out with my beloved Canucks who have made it to Round 2 of the Stanley Cup playoffs against the Anaheim Ducks. Since The Secret talks about making lists and vision boards to keep you focused on what you want, I decided to make a nice list of headlines I'd like to see in the paper soon (and you know how the papers love rhyming):

Canucks F*ck Ducks

Canucks Find Luck with the Puck against Ducks

A Feather in Their Cap: Canucks Pluck Ducks

Ducks are Struck by the Truck that is the Canucks

Cluck, Cluck: That Wimpy Team Playing the Canucks Look Like Chickens Not Ducks

Ducks get Stuck and Chuck Canucks into the Next Round

Now, let's all go stare at this list and think about it to make it happen, OK? Especially after last night's OT loss...

Thought I'd post some of my recent articles today. Check out my latest Province column about where Canucks fans rank in terms of intimidation in the minds of the NHL players. And here's my big article on Chris Zimmerman, the president & CEO of Orca Bay Sports & Entertainment - the cover story in this month's BC Business magazine.

It stinks in my house. And it's not because I've forgotten to empty the garbage or my cat has just delivered a present in his litter box. We have a skunk problem. Pepe and his wife Penelope seem to have taken up residence under our deck and have taken to spraying the house. Alas, if only I could repel my striped little friends with the ease that Edmonton has in repelling NHL star players! As I'm sure you've already heard, Ryan Smyth was nabbed by the Islanders away from the Oilers before the trade deadline last week. What is going on in Edmonton? It seems as if they've had some devastating losses of franchise, face-of-the-team players at unexpected moments over the years. Remember when Gretzky was unexectedly dealt to Los Angeles during the off-season back in 1988? Then there was Messier after Gretzky. And how about Pronger this past off-season? Now Smyth. Is it Rexall Place? It is one of the oldest and smallest arenas in the league. Is it the cold winters? The average temperature in Edmonton in January is below -10 Celsius. Or is it just these players' large salaries that cause the trades? Whatever repellent is in the air in Edmonton, someone please bottle it so I can try it on my skunks.

Check out my latest column for The Province about why the NHL needs their own Posh & Becks.